Desperation

I think it’s safe to say that these are desperate times. Everyone is desperate to leave their home, desperate to start working, desperate to socialize, desperate to just see another human, etc. But I think we’ve all been desperate for a long time. (I’m gonna try my best to not use the word desperate anymore. I’ll keep a tally of how often I used it down below.) In my life, it’s been a daily occurrence for a long time now.

I like to spend a lot of my time alone. I tend to do some of my best thinking whenever I’m alone. Not only this, but it helps me refresh. I get exhausted by just spending time with people, especially large groups. No one even has to do anything to me necessarily, it’s just a mental strain to be out and about. So, I need a break every once in a while. However, my favorite thing in the world is one-on-one conversation. I love to get to know individuals. I’ve had so many good conversations in my life that I frequently look back on them and think, “Wow. What a good conversation. I’d like another one sometime.” It is this love of conversation that is tied to my second great love. Companionship. Most people probably think those two go together, and for the most part, they do. However, there is one thing that I think is different. Companionship doesn’t always require communication. There are some people who I can sit in silence with and be perfectly happy. The first to mind is my family, the second being close friends. I don’t have to say anything. I just enjoy existing with them. Their mere presence brings me joy because I know a lot about them. I know aspects of their character that make me happy, and I can rest in that.
However, I haven’t always been like that. I didn’t start dating until college. (Technically, the end of my senior year of high school, but hey, close enough.) Dating and marriage has been on my mind my entire life. Why? Well, two reasons. Firstly, I am a hopeless romantic. Second, I love the idea of two people who bind their lives in service to each other. I used to think the phrase, “You complete me” was so cheesy, but also romantic. It’s two incomplete people making a whole person. Not to mention, I also enjoy physical touch with close friends and family. It’s special to me, so not just anyone can hug me or hold my hand. (Yeah, I know. I’m a guy. I like holding hands. I think it’s cute.) So, when I started dating, I used to think like this; “I absolutely need this person. If I have a person to lean on, they can solve all of my problems and I can solve all of theirs.” Evidently, it’s not nearly so simple.  In every relationship I was in, there was some sort of perpetual struggle that I couldn’t fix. This bothered me, because I am a problem solver. Issue? Solution. Done. But it never really worked. I was desperately trying my best to fix everything that I ended up abandoning everything. And I mean everything. I would convince myself that I had learned my lesson in my last relationship, but I made the same mistakes every time. The process went something like this.

1. There’s a problem.
2. Conversation?
3. Doesn’t work.
4. Physical touch?
5. Also doesn’t work.
6. Repeat steps 1-5 until you break up. 2 and 4 are interchangeable.

No matter how “close” I got to someone in a relationship, it wouldn’t work out. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part, I was desperately trying to make it work. But there was one thing I was neglecting. More on that later.

A little while ago, a friend told me there would be a meteor shower early in the morning. I had never actually seen one before, so I figured I’d check it out. After all, we’re all quarantined. It’s not like I have anything else better to do. Since my college years, I’ve had somewhat of a better grasp on relationships. But this particular night, I couldn’t get relationships off my mind. It kind of bothered me, because I just wanted to see some stars fly across the sky, not think about relationships. I sat in my lawn chair, bundled up in a hoodie and blanket, and stared at the sky in anticipation. Meanwhile, relationship worry pestered my mind. Eventually, I saw one. I was star struck, pun intended. As soon as it shot across the sky and out of my view, I smiled, and laughed. Both of which were out loud at 3:00 in the morning. Several more shot across my view when a thought came to mind. “What do you love most in a relationship?” The thought was kind of funny to me. Not because it’s the most basic question of relationship building, but rather that I had never asked myself that question before. I knew all the “right” answers, but this time it was completely up to me. What is Jackson looking for? About that time, another star flew by. I thought to myself, “I will never see that star again.” No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how desperate I become, it’s gone. That star cannot be controlled by me. And so I had my answer. What do I look for in a relationship? Well, more on that later.

God created each and every one of us. He made us unique, all of us. But one characteristic he gave all of us is our need for community. Even though we all have different levels of socializing, we all desire companionship. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe we’re all secret extroverts. God himself lives in perfect companionship. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. All three unique, yet all three the same. He designed us the same way! One of my friends recently said that they believe God called them to be single for this season. The reason for this absolutely blew me away. They said it was because God wanted them to rely solely on him. When everything else fades away, God will be there. And they need to know that and live in that. Hearing this inspired me in more ways than one, but it also woke up a deep pain in me. That leads me back to my companionship story. What did I neglect? My relationship with God. Such a churchy answer, right? However, that pain deep inside me was the fact that I had neglected God in every relationship. It was more about what could be done for me or the other person, not how can I glorify God in this. This revelation shook me. God, the one who saved me from Hell, the only source of salvation, the only one who knows my every thought and desire, the one who gave me life, and I ignored him for my own desires. I felt the weight of those decisions weigh on my heart like a ton of bricks. As it was setting in, God reminded me of something. “I have always been with you, even when you are not with me.” The combination of the weight of my inequity coupled with the undeserved grace resulted in joy. I was forgiven, just like that. I didn’t have to suffer in my sin for days on end, I was simply forgiven. Not even two days later, I got a letter in the mail from another friend of mine. What’s important is that this friend had no idea I was struggling with the concept of relationships just a few days prior. The letter that was sent to me was all about not worrying about relationships. It was about giving everything to God, and he will provide. That he is the only relationship I need. The timing of that letter was too perfect. Almost as if God was like, “In case you didn’t hear me the first time.” It wasn’t a dramatic turn of events, just me and God. The way it should have always been.

I’ve viewed my relationships with others somewhat differently, in light of this revelation. That night during the meteor shower, I learned what I really want in a relationship. Independence. Odd, right? When we hear the word independence in regards to relationships, we often think it means they don’t need someone else. What specifically comes to mind my mind is, “She a strong independent woman who don’t need no man.” I know that can be wrong in a lot of ways, but you know what? I think that’s beautiful. When I saw those stars and realized I couldn’t control them, I also realized that that doesn’t make them any less beautiful. In God’s eyes, those stars did exactly as he commanded them. He thought they were beautiful, just as I did. Independence doesn’t mean you don’t need anybody, but it does mean that whether or not there’s anyone there for you, you know God is. I’ve seen plenty of people have their lives ruined because they needed someone else. They couldn’t stand to be outside of their company. I’ve been that person. In fact, I’m the worst person I know for it. So desperately trying to garner favor with those I adore that I miss out on why I loved them to begin with. I don’t make people have value. God does. What matters is whether or not I’m there to appreciate God’s design with him. For the first time in my life, I’m at peace with the idea that I may never get married. I want to desperately seek God because apart from him, there is nothing. I want to see the beauty in everyone God has made. The only way to do that is to spend time with him daily. To fall in love with him every single day. I know I’ll have bad days, but I don’t ever want to stop loving him.

Number of times “desperate” was used: 11

 

 

What do you sound like?

Do you ever stop and think about sound? I’ve said the word sound so many times in my head that it doesn’t seem like a word anymore. I’ve been thinking about what sound really is. The logical-educated part of me (and also dictionaries) says its vibrations in the air that our ears pick up. Sound is something we usually take for granted, until we stop and appreciate it. We listen to cars drive by, people chatter, machines buzz and whir, every object can make a sound. Some are pleasurable, and others are not. Some are loud, and others are quiet. Some are deep, and some are high pitched. Despite the many differences, they are all under one category. Sound.

Let’s do a little exercise. First, I want you to stop reading for a moment, and listen. What do you hear? Maybe you’re in your room, so all the noise you hear is muffled. Or maybe cars driving by, or family walking up and down the hallway. At this moment, I hear a clock ticking. Now, take what you hear and write it down. Ok, maybe you don’t want to write it down, but it’s pretty safe to assume that most people reading this have heard cars drive by. You know what that sound is, right? If I described a car driving in the rain in detail, it would probably be something like this.

An engine with all its gears and belts running to operate the vehicle. The rubber tires meeting the concrete pavement, throwing globules of water into the air. The water then splashes onto the ground into other pools of water undisturbed by the vehicle that just drove past. The whoosh of the air as the vehicle drives past.

That was hardly poetic, but it was descriptive. But when you read what I wrote, you heard it, didn’t you? You heard what I described in your minds ear. However, what if you hadn’t heard a car drive by in the rain before? Would my description have helped? Maybe, but no matter how hard I try, no matter how descriptive I try to be, if you had never heard a car drive through rain before, my description wouldn’t put the actual sound in your mind. Or, perhaps you’ve heard water splashing, but not a car engine before. Maybe you’ve got part of it, but not the whole picture. All of this talk of sound reminds me of a question one of my siblings had when we were younger. What noise does a Giraffe make? I can say with the utmost certainty that I have no idea. Maybe I’ll look it up after this, but as of this moment I haven’t the foggiest idea of what a Giraffe sounds like. I’d like to think it is sort of like a horse, but I can’t confirm that. Maybe it’s deeper because its throat is long? Until I find a Giraffe or look up a video of a Giraffe, I will never know. Until I experience this, I will be left in complete ignorance. Sure, some experts in the field of Giraffe noises can try to explain to me using words and comparisons, but until I hear it for myself, I will never truly know.

Whenever we want someone to know how we feel about something, we use words. And what is a word other than a series of letters to describe an object, feeling, thought, or idea? And what is a letter, except a symbol which makes a universally agreed upon sound? Now, in English, some symbols have various sounds that are understood in context. But that’s all it is. It’s just a representation of the real thing. An apple written on a page is only a visual cue in our minds, but a physical apple is a snack for later, or something to keep doctors away. You could also make it into a pie, or some other tasty dessert. Or you could let it spoil and use it for composting. The possibilities of what you can do with an apple are only limited to your imagination! But the written apple? It only has one use. And that is to express an idea of what you experience with an apple.

I think we as Christians oftentimes use plenty of words, but we don’t provide the “sound” of Christ. It’s one thing to say, “Jesus loves you.” And it’s another to show how Jesus loves. In the Book of James, it says, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” (James 2:14-17) The person described in the verse is someone with only words. But they offer no sound of Christianity. Even if the person in the verse used more words, it wouldn’t compare to actually feeding and clothing them. The Love of God is so much more than words on a page.

What’s worse than offering no sound? Lying about it. We describe the “sound” of Christ as loving, kind, and forgiving, but we get mad at stupid things, we insult people who wrong us, and we hold onto grudges. That’s not what Jesus says. Jesus doesn’t do any of that. Why then do we describe the sound of our greatest teacher, but live the opposite?

There are some things that can only be experienced. If you’ll allow me to be a hypocrite for a moment, I’d like to try and describe something I experienced to you. One time, during one of my morning devotions, I decided to listen to a song. It was getting close to Christmas, so why not pick a Christmas song? The song was BarlowGirl’s Hallelujah [Light Has Come]. Now, before this particular morning devotion, I had listened to this song several other times before. I think I first heard it two years prior to that point. I was familiar with the lyrics, but it didn’t hit me until that moment in the car how beautiful and wonderful one of the characteristics of God is described in one of those lines. “Hallelujah, we’ve been found…” I stopped listening to everything else, and a wave of wonderful love poured through me and into my core when I thought, “Oh my God, my God. You thought I was worth looking for?”

Even now, when I think back on that moment, I almost cry. I think of all my sins. Every harsh word, every moment of hate, every lustful thought, every second of pride, all of my envy, all of my self-entitlement, every time I put me before someone else, every impure thought, everything. But the answer is yes. I am worth looking for. That was like a warm, clean hug, despite my filthy wretchedness. With only a feeling, I was wrapped in my father’s loving arms. Maybe you’ve felt something similar, but you’ll never know exactly how I felt in that moment. No matter how hard you try. And conversely, no matter how many words, how many sentences, how many pages I pour out to you, I will never be able to express to you how loved I felt in that moment. And I don’t think I should be able to.

Have you ever listened to a song that you loved and wanted someone else to know why you loved it? You can try and explain it, but isn’t it better to just play them the song? That’s how we should share God. Play them the song of His love. It’s a song we always listen to and never get tired of.  So why not share it? You see, we have words and actions that we need to use to show people God’s love for them. We should use our words to describe the sound we have heard, and then we should live because we have heard it ourselves. It’s best if we show everyone where we got it from. God transcends the need for words and actions, pouring into us his complete love. We need to try our absolute best to show God’s love to the world, but we’ll never come close on our own. All we can do is show them the results of listening to it. Then God comes in and takes care of the rest. To quote Thousand Foot Crutch, “I’m just the words, you are the sound.”

We all have experiences, and words can help describe them. But you can’t really know until you’ve experienced it. We can make it sound interesting, and draw people into wanting to experience it, but they won’t know until they do. We are but words, but with words comes sound. We need to bring people closer to the source of the sound which we “words” are representing. Love can be described with words, but the description is nothing compared to how it’s felt. So, go on, Christian! Become words worth reading, so that others come seeking the sound. Here I am with my hands in my pocket, remembering that I was worth looking for.

And We’re Back.

So much has happened since the last post! I was expecting to do far more writing about my trip, but I got carried away. “Carried away” is perhaps putting it too lightly, considering the fact that it’s been well over a year.

One of the reasons why I started writing was because I enjoyed it. It was a way for me to convey whatever was on my mind and help me develop my thoughts on things. I also thought that maybe I could help others with my writing. But, I had stepped away from it during my trip in South America. So, what’s happened since then? Well, let me tell you!

I had spent some time on my trip thinking about what I was going to do after I got back. Now, some may argue that I should’ve stayed in the moment, taken life one step at a time, or some other movie-worthy cliché phrase, but I’m not designed like that. I can be spontaneous, but to be completely reckless and not even think about it is completely ridiculous.
Unfortunately, despite my hardwiring to plan, predict, and prepare, I had nothing to go off of. I considered going back to camp, but then I’d need to raise support again. I wasn’t quite ready to raise support a second time, especially considering the fact that I had just raised support to go on the mission trip I was already on. I also thought about leaving Kentucky and working at some other camp in another state. Then I also thought that maybe I shouldn’t do camp again; that I should get a “real” job. So that in and of itself opened the possibility of every job that would fit my personality and qualifications. Librarian, Bookkeeper (which is apparently different), and even Grave keeper, which just sounded totally awesome to me, if I’m being honest. All of these possibilities were being thrown about in my head like a tennis match with 12 players all on the same court. 

Despite my greatest efforts, I couldn’t settle on any of these ideas. As someone with concealed anxiety, this bothered me quite a great deal, but only I dealt with it. I returned from my trip, which was awesome, despite my conundrum. (But that’s a post for another day) I was home for a week or so, still mulling over what I should do. So I told myself that I will work at camp for one more summer. This was probably the holier version of “I’ll put it off until later.” Don’t get me wrong, camp is amazing, and I’ll always keep it close to my heart, but at that point in my life, it was an escape from facing my future.
Almost the same day that I had decided on this, I got a call from a college friend of mine. He told me about this job that seemed too good to be true. You work with kids, the pay is decent, and I’d split the rent and all other expenses with this guy. That all sounded great to me, and I was on board pretty much from that phone conversation on.
Afterwards, I applied, was interviewed, went through training, and here I am now, living in Prestonsburg Kentucky. I spent a long time looking for a church to go to, since traveling over an hour to go back home didn’t seem all that practical. So, I went church shopping, like a real American. 

My roommate had a church he went to in Prestonsburg, even before we moved there. So naturally, I tried that one first. If I’m not mistaken, it is the most popular non-traditional church in Floyd county. But something didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong, the church and the people in it weren’t the problem; it was me. After that, I decided to avoid church altogether and do some personal reflections on Sundays. Which is a wonderful idea, but you have to actually do it to get anything out of it. I had forgotten that important detail. Eventually, I snapped out of it and realized how important church community is. So, I went to the only other non-traditional church in Prestonsburg, and I’ve been there ever since. They have small groups, outreach’s, events, all sorts of things. If I’m being honest, I haven’t been as involved as I’d like to be, but just knowing that there are options is reassuring. My next step is to become more involved, to the best of my ability. 

All of that and more has taken place since my mission trip. So, what’s next? Well, I’ve decided to pick up writing again. It helps me process what’s going on in my life, and also forces me to utilize my English degree. I should probably use that since I spent four and a half years getting it…
I had mentioned earlier that I had several questions flying around like some crazy tennis match. It’s not so much that everything is answered so much as it’s like new “tennis balls” are being added faster to the game rather than taken away. What’s next? Do I stay? Do I save for a car? Do I write something new? Do I pursue a relationship? Do I think too much? Do I change anything at all? I’ve realized that this constant hurling of questions will be true for the rest of my life, and I can’t really change that. The only thing to do now is to keep on and take life one tennis ball at a time. So, I think I’ll take a step back and watch the game. So Here I am with my Hands in my Pockets, watching this game of life. But I should probably step in and play a game or two. 

 

Chile Update #1

As the name may imply, I’m in Chile! This is our Outreach phase in YWAM and we’re in Pichilemu, a coastal city in Chile. We’ve been digging, painting, hauling lumber, cleaning toilets, construction work and basically anything we can do to help out the YWAM base here.

But that’s not all. We also spend our evenings in the city, making friends and planting the seeds of the Gospel in the hearts of the people here. It has been an exciting experience thus far! I wanted to take this post to share some of the things that have been going on while we’ve been here. But before we get into that, I want to explain the culture a little bit. Or at least what I’ve gleaned from it in these past 10 days.

One of the most obvious aspects of the culture would have to be their friendliness.  We took a bus to get to the base from Santiago. In addition to the driver, they also had a guy who’s job it was to collect tickets and let people know when their stop was coming up. I’m sure it was to make sure people leave as quickly as possible so they can keep moving, but he always did this with gentleness and with a smile. We’ve eaten in a few restaurants, and the waitresses have always been so nice. Smiling with us, chatting it up, all great service. But more so than that, the general populace is kind to each other. Most people I’ve run into have been smiling and happy to see us, even if we’re just passing by on the street. Every greeting is a firm handshake with a smile. Meeting up is very casual, but important. I could go on and on, but I’ll stick with how friendly they are for now.

One of the things we do in the morning is a personal quiet time. It’s when we spend an hour focusing on God. It can be thinking, reading your Bible, praying, you name it. The only requirement is to spend it with the Lord. I’ve been using my time meditating on scripture and reading several Christian books. I must say, I feel like I’m reading the Bible for the first time! I don’t know what it is, but scripture has been revealing God to me in ways I never thought of before. I value these quiet times so much, and I can’t wait to see what I’ll see next.

Before I end this post, I just wanted to share one story that has stuck with me. No matter how much I do or distract myself, I can’t get this out of my head for more than a moment.

We were waiting on the street while one of the guys was getting food when an older homeless man snuck up behind me. He began digging out of a trash can. He picked up a bottle, then dropped it right back in. He walked over to another trash can and pulled out a half eaten ice cream cone and started eating it. I couldn’t take it any longer. My heart was breaking when I saw him at the first trash can, so the second trash can didn’t alleviate that feeling at all. I approached him, smelling what was probably fecal matter and held out $10,000 pesos, about $15 USD. He took it graciously, smiled and said “Muchas gracias, senior!” as best he could with teeth barely held within his rotting gums. I smiled and bowed my head in response. A verse was stuck in my mind as I relinquished the money. “The poor you will always have with you…” Matthew 26:11.

If only I could’ve done more. I know, that in that moment I made him happy. I fed him for roughly 3 days, if he uses the money wisely. It just got me thinking about how privileged I am. I concern myself with the next board game, the next big thing, the next movie, you name it and I spend almost no time considering the poor. Now, I’m not saying wanting the next big thing is wrong, but what I am saying is that we need to spend time considering those less fortunate. On top of that, we need to do something for others. Give up some cash, skip the movie, forgo your fancy expresso and make a difference. Help someone out. Isn’t that rewarding in and of itself?

Change someone’s life. Because when you bless others, so you will be blessed.

Just A Clanging Symbol

God calls us to worship him. As his children, we have to obey not only out of obedience, but also because we love our Father in Heaven. In fact, here’s a few verses on worship.

Ephesians 5:19 “addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart.

Psalm 95:6 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!”

Hebrews 13:15 “Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.”

John 4:23 “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeks such to worship him.”

Psalm 150:1-6 “Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!”

If I shared all of the verses on worship, then I’d probably have to copy and paste half of the Bible. But the point is you cannot read scripture and ignore the call to worship. It comes up far too often! Not to mention, there’s an entire book on worship. As I mentioned earlier, God calls us to worship. He is worthy of all praise, worthy of every blessing, worthy of every word that comes from our mouth. Our God is good. So why should we give him anything less than our worship?

Now, worship is more than just when we set aside time and start singing, (it’s in everything we do) but I want to focus on the musical aspect for a moment.

I’ve grown up singing hymns. It’s just what our church (and most churches) used. But I was always told that I am free to worship in any way I wanted to, so long as it brought glory to God. This was shown to me at summer camp when we sang more contemporary worship. What I love about camp is that we mix it up. We sing hymns as well as more modern songs. We’re always seeking new ways to worship.

I remember a time when my Dad got up and danced at a conference he and I were attending. Being 12 at the time, this was horribly traumatic. Looking back at that moment, I knew my father was worshiping God with his whole heart, and I could not be blessed with a better father. But one thing sticks out to me about that moment. I don’t remember the song he danced to. Nope. Not a beat, not a lyric, nothing. All I remember is the fact that he danced for the Lord. Obviously, God knows the song, but the song is not what mattered. It was the heart that danced to it.

As I grew older, my distaste for hymns grew. I felt like it was ritualistic nonesense. Just the same songs over and over again; songs that had lost their meaning to me. This angst became so powerful that I dreaded coming to church, and worship was only half the service! This opinion changed drastically during my camps Winter Banquet. (The Winter Banquet is when we raise support for the camp and provide food and childcare for potential donors.) I took one of my best friends with me during one of these banquets and we had a great time, eating, laughing and listening to great music. Now, it should also be mentioned that I was kind of out of place. Most of the people who attended were older people who could actually donate, not poor college students with connections to the camp. At the very end of the Banquet, the director gave a short speech, gave a few shout outs, etc. Then he called for everyone to stand and sing “How Great Thou Art.” I wasn’t too excited about this, but I understood because everyone knew it, so why not? We all started to sing but I couldn’t get through the first verse. Not because I was overcome with grief or that I had forgotten the lyrics, but because this was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard. The room echoed with praises; every person standing up, exalting our God with purity. I looked around the room and saw the smiles of the people singing. They loved God with all of their hearts. Ever since that moment, I have never looked down on hymns ever again. In fact, I look forward to them now!

This story comes from only a few short weeks ago. I was attending a conference with around 600 other people in order to learn more about the gospel and how to use it. Like any church service, it started with worship. I knew the worship they had in store for us was more along the lines of upbeat, contemporary music. I thought, “maybe it’ll be like camp.” Little did I realize that it would not be like camp.

The first worship service, I had made a grievous mistake. I had sinned against the very core Baptist beliefs set before me by my church. I didn’t sit in the back. I was towards the front. My only protection was a mere 3 rows, and I knew I was not safe. Worship started and everyone around me began jumping up and down with religious fervor. They were shouting and singing praises as loudly as they could; they were flailing arms around and closing their eyes tightly. Yet. Here I was in the midst of this and there was nothing I could do about it. Every service after that, I sat towards the back of the church. Every service, they sang the same songs. Worship had lost its meaning to me again. The week crawled by, the songs never changed, and the people all worshipped the same frantic worship as the day before. At one point during worship, the worship leader told everyone to put their hands in the air. I decided to stand in defiance and was probably the only one in the audience who didn’t raise their hands. So I closed my eyes, and spent the time praying to God. I blocked everything out. I stood there in silence while the world shook around me. I was certain that they were worshipping, but I couldn’t get into it. One of my hands clasped my keys while my other gripped my phone. Then I opened my eyes. As soon as I did, a thought came to mind. Everyone had their hands in the air and Here I Am With My Hands in My Pockets. But I had a peace about it. I also had the inspiration to start writing. I could use writing to bring praise to God! I opened my backpack, pulled out my little notebook, and did just that. I began to write and write about worship in particular, but I knew that it wouldn’t end there. I knew I was going to write about many other things, but for now, Worship.

Hopefully by this point I have made it unquestionably clear that worship comes from the heart not from the genre of music. Up until this point, there’s been a clear bias towards hymn music. I should mention that I enjoy all sorts of music when it comes to worship, not just hymns. I should also mention that just because my worship experience differed from that of the other 600 at the conference, it does not mean that they weren’t worshipping. To each their own style of worship. At this point, I want to question some of the aspects within certain kinds of worship we may or may not participate in. I think it’s important to do self-evaluations regularly. Not to the point of self-destruction, but just enough to make sure our hearts are set on God and not on other things. Let’s start with hymn problems.

Hymn music can become ritualistic. Although there are some good aspects in having a regular schedule, we need to make sure our heart stays in check and is continually focused and devoted to God. I experienced this when I was younger, as I mentioned earlier. When you worship ritualistically, you no longer have a heart for worship, which is the most important part of worship!

Hymn music can be scripturally inaccurate. This has been a shocking discovery more recently. Not every hymn proclaims the gospel accurately. Be sure to listen to the words whenever you start singing.

There are plenty of other issues with hymn music, but I’m fairly confident they are different versions of these issues. Now let’s move to the more contemporary side of worship!

Contemporary music can become emotionally reliant. Although I think emotion can be part of worship, I think it’s more important that we worship God despite our emotions. Hymns have a problem with going through the motions, contemporary worship has an issue of going through the emotions. One phrase I hate hearing is, “Worship was so good this morning!” What made it good? The guitar? The synth? None of these matter and none will carry someone into heaven. Only the heart of the believer will.

Contemporary music is not always scripturally accurate. Just as hymns may get it wrong sometimes, so can modern worship. I remember going to a concert that promoted the audience to be completely careless. They even used scripture as the basis of their lyrics! “God will not let you go through more than you can bear.” However, they only used half of the verse and left out the most important part which said, “But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”When you took the whole verse into context, you realize it does not say to be careless, but to be wise and seek the Lords help.

Now, there are plenty of other styles of worship, but they usually can be generalized as either a hymn or contemporary. I think it’s best to evaluate our worship style with these basic tools.

1. Check for scriptural accuracy.
2. Check for ritualism in worship.
3. Check for emotional reliance in worship.

To finish this blog post, I want to remind the reader of my main point. Worship comes from the heart not from the genre of music. If you feel like running, jumping and dancing, do it for the Lord with all your heart as David did! If you wish to remain in stoic reverence, do it with all your heart as Hebrews 12:28 says! For me personally, I find myself With My Hands in My Pockets. 

God bless!

-Jackson

You’ve gotta start somewhere.

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a blog for a long time now, but I couldn’t figure out what to write on. So instead of waiting for inspiration, I went out and caught it myself. 

I basically wanted to start off with some topics I plan on hitting over the next few months. I wish I could say I’d be writing regularly, but with my current schedule, I don’t think I’ll be able to maintain a post per day, week or even monthly. Anyways, now that I’ve covered preliminary nonsense, let’s get on to topics!

First of all, I’d like to talk about being an introvert in a Christian environment. Over the years, it has become obvious to me how introverted I am. I know how to handle my introversion, but not everyone else knows how to handle it. I’ve noticed how Christians of many different walks of life interact with each other, and I understand how necessary it is to be at peace with my Christian brothers and sisters. Unfortunately, we do not always accept each other. Christ calls us to love one another as he loves us. These posts will be primarily based on life experiences and personal observations. So maybe you’re an extrovert and these posts can give you insight on introverted tendencies. On the other hand, perhaps you are an introvert who wants to know if anyone else understands you. You will find a friend in me, someone who is willing to support you. (From a safe distance, of course.) 

My other topic would be concerning Christian traditions that aren’t Biblical truths. Before I continue, I want to say that I am not telling you to reject tradition. I am only asking that you bring it into question. Christianity has developed and spread over many years, and some things have been generally accepted as doctrine that are not necessarily God-given commands. 

Finally, I’d like to post some random food for thought. I really enjoy a thought to chew on. In fact, I highly value it. I think too often we do not excercise our brains in challenging concepts. Maybe some of these won’t be too challenging so much as just something to mull over.

To summarize, I’m going over…

1. Being an Introvert in a Christian Enviroment
2. Christian Traditions that aren’t Biblical Truths
3. Food for thought

I am already shaking with anticipation in preparation for writing over the next few months! I’m not even certain where to begin. So for now, I’ll just be here with my hands in My Pockets until I know what to write on.

God bless!

-Jackson